How to slowly lose your mind

Yep. I am losing my mind. I have decided that it is time to move with my fiance. Well we decided together. Well I decided then he got on board, then I got nervous and undecided, then he kept deciding, then I said well lets slow down and not be crazy and then he just kept going. So anyways we are moving. Growing up I moved a lot but this time is different for a multitude of reasons. For one, I am moving into a house that I will call a home with a boy and living with boys can sometimes be frustrating. I do not know if you know this but boys can be messy and stinky. Well anyways we are putting his house on the market which makes me feel a lot of mixed emotions. I mean first this is not my house. I do not own it in any way, I simply moved in. Painted it pretty colors, hung my picture on every wall in the house so I could stake my claim. I even hung a picture of a giraffe and a cow because no home is complete with out a cow and giraffe picture. Well anyways, it is hard work to move. First you fix everything up all pretty, then once it is all pretty you start to wonder why you are even moving when the house you have is so cute and nice when it is all fixed up. Then my fiance comes in and tells me that I am losing my mind and we are moving. So I get back on board with everything. So then I move on and we start looking at houses. Then once again I get out of control. We set a budget and I like to be curious and I just start to look out house a little outside of the range just to see what is so pretty. I find a perfect half a million dollar house, show him, make him fall in love with it, then he looks at me to ensure that I do understand that I am just a teacher and he is just a cop and we can't afford a half a million dollar house. I then tell him its okay my other boyfriend will cover it, he looks at me, I ensure him it was a joke and then we go back to the house search. Well after about two weeks of searching for houses we get the bright idea we are gonna build and OMG it is stressful. As a female I have pinned the perfect house for years and I mean yes my house includes an indoor slide and fully stocked wine cellar. And no I do not think these demands are crazy. I am so on bored with just having a wine cellar, I volunteered to give up one of my children and in its place have a wine cellar. I was very close to getting my fiance to agree to this, but sadly he did not fall for it. I tell him those both cost the same amount financially so it shouldn't be a big deal. Anyways my point is that sometimes things in life are gonna get crazy and sometimes you start to do something and you start to plan something and then you get a little crazy and lost along the way but really that is the fun part. It is fun to get lost and crazy and get carried away in a moment and forget about the real world for a while. Trust me, as a teacher I have to live in the real world like all the time. Sometimes it is nice to live in a not so real world, forget about everything for a little and just let loose. So that is what I am going to do when planning my future home. I am going to aim for the crazy high expectations and be happy I have found someone who lets me dream and lets me believe that I am in charge and can have everything I want but always keeps me grounded and keeps me from getting too carried away with everything. He lets me be me and lets me do me but then he gently reminds me that I am in fact crazy. And when I say gently reminds me, he literally tells me I am crazy and not completely there in the brain. It is very kind. But I will say that I highly suggest building  a house. It is so much fun to look at all the options of the world around you. It is always fun in every part of life to look at all the possibilities of life around you. Sometimes it is okay to dream and reach for the dream, and sometimes it is okay to stay grounded. Plus I refuse to give up on my dream of having a wine cellar. I mean hello I told him I could print some fancy wine labels off of the internet and put them on a bunch of bottles of two buck chuck then everyone would be so impressed with our collection. Plus I mean it could get me in a magazine and then I picture the magazine shoot being like the scene in the movie beauty and the beast where Belle is riding the ladder around the library, except it will be full of wine. Anyways, this will get me in a magazine and then everyone will come and read this blog, and then Ellen will invite me on her show. I mean hello I have not given up on that dream. I have faith she is going to call me one day and ask me to come to one of her weekly dance parties that I am convinced she has. Anyways, my point is that I have lost my mind in deciding to build but in losing my mind I am finding my future.

Finding true love

              Four short days ago (possibly three), I watched a man get down on one knee, pull out a ring, and propose to a girl he had known for all of three weeks and been on a total of three dates with. The mans name was Ben, and I think he chose the right Lauren. It is hard to say. I sometimes wonder if Ben picked this Lauren because at an earlier rose ceremony, he meant to say a different Lauren but felt bad for going back so just was like " OOOHHH EFF IT!" I will let her win. I am a bachelor lover. I would go on the show in a heartbeat, well maybe take a few heart beats since I am getting married to a man I truly love, But I mean if Zac Efron or Time Tebow suddenly decided to be the bachelor I might struggle with not signing up. In the interest of fairness if someone like Emma Stone or Jennifer Lawrence signed up I would let him go. I mean I tell him all the time we should both go find old rich people, either marry them or make us like them as more than their kids, get money and live rich forever. 

                 ANYWAYS, back to the bachelor I have a few thoughts on it and love. Plus I have really missed writing so I think it is time to get back to that. I am not ashamed I love the show the bachelor and would go on it. Granted I would have to find some family to fill in for mine because they are too crazy and would never support me. I always had a plan in case I went on the Bachelor. I would get America to fall in love with me, have something come up when I was in the final three, have to go home, make my pitch about how I still want to find love, become the bachelorette, have 25 men try and court me, fly all over the world for these insane dates, and then not get engaged, date the guy for a few months after the show, realize that once the camera stops rolling so does the wooing and then get tired of him, have a dramatic break up,America still loves me, then go on Bachelor in paradise (because once you are on the bachelor apparently you do not have to have a real job anymore) then chill on the beach for a few months, come home, do constant promotions for the show, marry the guy I am currently with because I do not want anyone else and then well that is the end of my plan. 

             Now I am very torn about the bachelor and the whole love thing. Like Jojo said in the last episode " I am tired of competing for people for love." I had two things to say to her, 1) the entire premise of the show is that you go on and compete against other women for love. It is almost like the hunger games sometimes and a fight to the death for a man. Or maybe even like survivor. Man, it would be so much better if instead of giving out roses the person that was being rejected was told something like "You are the weakest link. GOOD BYE" or " You have been voted out of the Bachelor mansion and then take her candle and blow it out. Much more entertaining. and 2) You had an ex boyfriend at home who wanted you back, you said no to continue competing for love and to go on a show and make people compete for you. Girl you are confused. Plus I bet that Chad guy is PISSSSSSED. But I will support you and remind you that you do you boo boo, YOU DO YOU.

        Do I think you can find love on the Bachelor? YES. Do I think it can turn out to be true and lasting love? YES ( looking at you Sean and Catherine). Do I think they should get engaged at the end of three weeks of knowing each other, going on three dates, and up until you say yes to a proposal knowing your bae is dating other girls? UMM NO. Hard pass on that. If my current man friend had proposed one day after telling some other girl he loved her, and 5 minutes after breaking up with the other girl then I would have been like 'BOY you best get up off that knee and quit playing." I think that when you first meet someone you feel alot of lust and attraction. I believe in love at first sight. I believe that even if it is love at first sight, you best see what that person looks like in the morning and smell their stank morning breath before you know for sure. I knew my current fiance loved me (or was blind and crazy, not sure which yet) after the first time he saw me fresh in the morning with my hair looking like Medusa and my breath smelling like some stank dragon breath. THAT IS LOVE! 

        The bachelor sets you up perfect for love, helicopter ride, exotic locations, fancy dinners, private concerts. Your first date with these people is not what would happen if they met you at the local bar and asked you out. I want the bachelor to have a 3 months later episode where they follow the couple around for a day. See them go on a date to a nice Italian restaurant ( that is located in America and called Olive Garden because lets be foreal if they guy in real life had the money to rent helicopters and fly to exotic locations for dates, the he is not a Bachelor. He is on his 5th wife) come home where his dirty socks are on the living room floor and his dishes are piled up in the sink. Show us the real life. I believe that Ben and Lauren are in a lust stage. The lust wears off, you get into the real world, and these couples break up. MAYBE if instead of getting ENGAGED to be MARRIED three crazy dates in, you agreed to DATE like NORMAL people for a while, the pressure would be off. 

        In the end I will sit back and watch every season of the show and cheer for the craziest person on their. Lets be for real, the crazies always know what they are doing. They are the smart ones. They get people talking. They get people invested. The producers want them to stay until they literally can't anymore, then they get to be on every spin off ever and they are always famous. Hello, very smart. Plus I will always have a special place in my heart for poor Olivia who got stranded on an island, in the middle of a HURRICANE for a girl who list her job as a TWIN! Being a twin is not a job. I think if I went on the show I would think of a crazy profession like "Wine Fan". It is just as much of a job as chicken enthusiast. 

     So to sum up. I love the Bachelor. I wish them all the love and happiness in the world. I just wish the bachelor would show us real life with these couples. Life when the camera stops, things go to normal and you have real struggles. My advice to any one out there looking for love is to not mistake Lust for love. They may at times feel the same but when the lust goes away, if there is no real love there, you have nothing. My second piece of advice is to do not say yes to a proposal to a man who has been dating other women up until the moment he proposes. That is just rude.