Back to school

That is correct. I went back to school, back to school, to prove to all I'm not a fool. You would think that as a wise 24 year old school would be a breeze. Especially since I finally know what I am going to school to accomplish. WRONG! School is so much more stressful for me. For those of you who don't know me well, then you need to know that I am so insanely smart it is scary. For those of you who know me wel, you know that was a gross exaggeration (especially since I had to google how to spell that stupid word). But now that I am in school for what I know I want to do I am scared. It is much more stressful then the first 5 years of college. (I took a victory lap for those of you wondering why it was 5 years). It is the fact I am not sure how to feel. Let me explain.

I am nervous. I am nervous that I will go through all this schooling to get to the career I want, only to be turned away. I am nervous I will never be fully prepared. I am nervous that, even though I have found passion in what I am doing, I am not on the right path. How do you ever know? I feel nervous that I need a job desperatly but maybe I am not ready. But nervousness is good. I feel like I am taylor Swift about to perform on stage. I do not care what she say, everyone gets nervous. It is a beautiful thing if you do not cave to it, but instead embrace it and try to beat it.

I am embarassed. I am embarassed that I am 24, living at home, and essentinaly jobless. I mean society tells me it is time to grow up. It's like I am stuck in this chronic childhood that I can not get out of. When people ask me "What do you do?" (because as a 24 year old then only questions you get asked what do you do? and are you married? Which both questions are just stupid. Like get off me world! I do what I want). Anyways, when I get asked this question I usually just say I am a teacher. Am I actually a certified teacher? Negative ghost rider. Do I teach? Yes I teach people everyday what it is like to be someone who is truly awesome. People just never stop there. They have to know where and what I teach? Well again, quit stalking my life people. Then they know, they just know I live at home. Mom, since you are usually the only person who reads this, know that I am never moving out. I am living with you forever. Most great stories are embarassing ones. This is the start of my great story. We have all been embarassed at some point and all that matters is how you move on from it.

I feel stuck. I am moving forward but not. I feel that I am stuck in this limbo of being adult without the responsiblities. I feel that I have been told over and over that I am supposed to grow up, get a job, get a house, get married. YOU ARE 24 FOR PETES SAKE! I do not need you to remind me how old I am. I still remember thank you very much. I feel that I am like this gross montrosiety that has to be hidden away in my parents basement, when in all actuallity I live on the top floor so it is more like the attic so suck it. I just feel that while I am trying so hard to move forward but I feel nervous I am not ready. I want to teach. I will be challenged with taking care of young adults evryday. Is anyone ever really ready for that?

Finally I feel excited. I am excited that I am kinda going against society and breaking the rules. I am excited that I am moving toward something that feels correct. I am excited that I have the opportunity to do this things. I am excited I have a family and friends that listen to all my crazy feelings and don't judge me. They tell me to quit being crazy but they support me. I have a truly great support group. So if you are one of those people who has listened to all my recent concerns and stresses, since they change weekly, thank you. Thank you for letting me talk to you like I am some deranged lunatic so that I can get it off my chest. Thanks for looking at me like I grew two heads but listening to me none the less. I feel like every time I am excited, I want to dance around like Jesse Saprano on drugs while singing " I'm so, I'm so scared" Excitement is fun. Everything in life should excite you, unless you are dead inside.

I always think I am alone when I have multiple emotions going through me at once, but then I remember I am a female and all females have this insane super power to feel many things at once. The thing about life is that it never takes you on just one turn at a time. It takes you on a zig zag and roller coaster of emotions. As human beings we learn to cope but what is important we do not have to cope alone. There is always a friend or family member there ready to listen to your crazy mind. Let them.