I'm BACK!!
After taking a hiatus for many months, I decided to make my epic return to the blogger world. While gone, my life has taken a whole new road and I have decided to take this blog to catch you up on how I stand with my New Years Resolutions. Actually I have chosen just one resolution to catch you up on since it is the one that has generated the most interest with people in my life.
If you remember correctly one of my New Year resolutions was to get over my issue with commitment. I loved dating. I loved going on dates but most of all I loved being courted. I loved everything that went along with courting except the part where you had to put a label on it. That is usually when I would kindly exit stage left. I would take my bow, thank them for a wonderful few weeks and get the heck out of dodge. This time though everything changed. Now, if you think this post is going to be about my relationship and get all mushy then you are WRONG! That is simply not my style. Instead I am going to take you on a journey of how I got to that point in my life where I was ready to try and stay instead of turn and run.
When I started this blog, I was a wanderer that was completely lost in the world. I had no directions and simply had no where I thought I would want to go. I was just out here in the world trying to get by, as many young 20 somethings often do. Then everything changed. I took a leap into a new career. Let me say that I didn't just take a leap, I talked with everyone important in my life about it first. I spent many sleepless nights worrying. I look back now and have no idea why I did that. Life is about making mistakes and just trying new things. It is about taking these blind leaps and if they don't work out then it is about being able to pick yourself up and try again. Never let life beat you. Well once I found my way down a path I was happier. I was free. I felt like I was ready for anything, but was I?
A few months after starting down the road to teaching (which I mean let's be honest, who doesn't want me to mold the minds of youth into better human beings?) I met a dude. We shall call him my man friend. I went into it at first just like all other dates in my life, I would go out with him a few times, see what happened, but ultimately take my bow out and exit stage left. It was my trade mark. Seriously, my friends and family would ask me if I when I was gonna run away. But something different happened. Something changed. When it reached time for me to become someones girlfriend (ahhh) I didn't say no. I didn't bow out, I didn't turn and run leaving a Jennifer sized hole in the wall. It was like the word no was not in my vocabulary anymore, and then BAM! I had a man-friend (or boyfriend but since he is an adult man-friend is a more accurate description). Then I had to take the next step that comes with being in a relationship, I had to change my Facebook status. As everyone who was born in this century knows, it is not official until it is Facebook official. As my finger lingered over the button to my newly found status I froze. Not because I wanted to get out of my relationship but because I was changing who I was, or so I thought.
For so long I had been the chronically single friend. While all my friends were doing the relationship thing, I was the one that stood solid in her singledom. It became apart of my identity. I would tag around my friends and while they brought dates, I would come alone and be okay with it. But I have since realized, adding a title to my name does not have to change who I am. I can still be this amazingly awesome person. I did not have to all the sudden be a new woman . I think my fear with commitment came from the fact of being labeled the single one. I was the runner, the one who ,as Miley Cyrus said "Can't Be Tamed". The one who can't find anyone to meet her standards (because when you are as awesome as me, you tend to have some pretty high standards). I know there are so many people in the world that are like that, who think they are supposed to be single and commitment is stupid. I was once you.I still sometimes fight the urge to run, not because I do not want to be with my man friend but because that is who I was for so long. It's an adjustment but an adjustment, that for now I am happy to make. I haven't changed who I am, just added an new label to something I already was. Commitment is still scary, but a good scary. It's a leap into the unknown. It's about trusting someone. No matter what becomes of me and my man-friend, I am happy I took this leap.
Stay tuned for more because I plan on sticking around this time.
No comments:
Post a Comment